The Fear

Fear has affected my life in two major ways.

• Perspective
• Love

Of course, I've already talked about my feelings up paranoia caused by 'paranoia' and I think I'll visit that again.. but I don't think I really ever talked about how my perspective on life tends to go askew when fear grips onto me.

Haaa, it started with trivial things, like when my brother used fascist techniques to coerce me into doing things for him. The fear of his empty threats compelled me to follow whatever asinine activity he had planned out for us, even if it resulted in me getting into trouble. After that, fear struck me in different ways, such as worrying over grades, my obsession with death, but nothing major.

Then the closes I had to a panic attack happened last year. In hindsight, it seems beyond ridiculous, but I was petrified by theories of 2012, Landon-Hadron Collider, and microscopic black holes. I'm prone to paranoia, point blank. My main issue to this day is over analyzing to the point where I think myself into a stupor. Well, I got way to into the whole 2012 theories to the point where I was petrified to go to sleep at night. I quite literally had to stay up until I passed out naturally. Ahaaa, it's comical now, but before that, it was serious to me.

Now, I laugh at it, even make a parody of it with my class shirt: Apopkalytic. <-- genius, right?! I still research those conspiracy theories, but it doesn't affect me nearly as much, if at all. However, those deluded thoughts that I carried for a good amount time just reaffirm how much fear hinders the average person.

Haa, cult of Ra? Seriously?

Even if it truly is something, who's to say I could actually do anything to stop it? Why worry.

All I know is I still pump Beyonce, Gaga and 'Ye on a daily basis..

I don't know what's right and what's real anymore
And I don't know how I'm meant to feel anymore
And when do you think it will all become clear?
'Cause I'm being taking over by The Fear
-- Lily Allen