disappointments .

why do we put so much into people of they will inevitably let you down?

Coldest Winter && Why I love Kanye West .

KANYE WEST "Coldest Winter" Directed by: NABIL "ITUNES link below" from nabil elderkin on Vimeo.

In The Running For Greatest Video of All Time.

Kanye West recently dropped his new video for Coldest Winter today. I watched it, and I was blown away. The imagery, how it was shot, and everything, brought a already dope masterpiece of a song to untouchable levels.

Of course, people are going to get onto their soapboxes, and claim that this song is incredibly demonic., but after discussing it recently with a friend, I hardly think so. When I see those fiends, I think of dementors from Harry Potter (where they are most likely from) . The ending makes me feel slightly uneasy, but I think that is what the purpose of the video was. Obviously the chick in the video was to signify Alexis (I mean the wedding dress made it blatant) but, the whole video was to say, she's dead to him. Kinda harsh, but maybe he felt that there were forces in his life that was chasing her away, and at the end, after she got up all bruised, she accepted her fate. The ominous hands made me rise my eyebrows, but it just pushed the point even more.

This video actually reminded me why I loved kanye west in the first place. His video paranoid revolutionize my life, and put certain aspects of my life into perspective.

KANYE WEST "PARANOID" feat: RIHANNA Dir: NABIL from nabil elderkin on Vimeo.

The Video That Was The Song Of The Summer.

Kanye West in general just shows that celebrities are human too. He makes mistakes, he acts without thinking, etc . etc . etc. He doesn't have a issue with showcasing his life for everyone to see, and I think it's beyond respectable. He's been through two of the most tragic things possible in one year, and lets not forget his near-fatal car accident in 2004. His music reflects him in a moment in time, and yet it doesn't seem out of date when you listen to it years later, and that's a feat that few have.

-- on a side note, while reminiscing about the greatness of kanye west, I also remember the amazing discussions I used to have with Robyn about him and the music industry in general. I definitely missss that "/

Void .

"Void" seems to be a constantly reoccurring word in my life.
As a adjective it could mean:

* useless; ineffectual; vain.
* devoid; destitute (usually fol. by of): a life void of meaning.

As a noun, the meaning changes slightly:

* an empty space; emptiness: He disappeared into the void.
* something experienced as a loss or privation: His death left a great void in her life.
* a gap or opening, as in a wall.

All of that above seems to be exactly what I have been feeling lately. I feel as if something is constantly wrong with me because I can feel it around my heart. Leave it to me to actually create a medical problem out of my issues, haa.


I've just been noticing things that I don't like about myself and the world in general. I'm a slave to my phone, but even more so then that, I'm a slave to the people who populate my phone, and I hate hate hate that. I feel so dependent on people, and they all end up letting me down, and the void continues to grow.


I keep on questioning why I continue to chase after people when I know how it'll end, but I think it's apart of my genetics. Ehr, as in something I cannot change. Lately, I think my body has been in a silent protest, because I've given up working out, and putting effort into what I wear. I feel myself slipping, but then my ego spazzes out, and suddenly I'm egotistical even though I feel the complete opposite.


I've been constantly looking for something to fill the voids that have been in life. Filling up the position of a brother, a father, a lover, and a best friend. But the more I try to fill up those spots, the wider the void grows until it eventually consumes me and leaves me in a extreme stupor.


I'm hardly a person to just allow things to remain like this, so I'll rectify the situation soon enough.