Pursuit of Happiness.

Life is graaand.

I think, I figured out my purpose in life. Hah, and it's kinda funny as to how it happened.

So it's saturday night, and my sister was coming back home, so I was chilling in her room. My brother called me up, and was talking about his problems. And at first, I was getting distracted by a movie and a game, but when I actually focused, I just found that I can analyze a situation and figure out what's wrong. Then my other friend texted me saying tha the needed me, and I proceeded into helping him. Then a friend called me and needed me to take care of something for him. What's so amazing about him calling is that, we don't really talk anymore. In 5th grade, we were cool. And a bit last year. But him calling me asking for help, even if it was insignificant in the long run, it still makes me feel good that people recognize me as someone that'll help 'em. Or be there.

*Not that I'm getting a messiah complex, ahahaha.

So, I decided, I'm going to help as many people as I can. Not even trying to do it for a philosophical or a religious reason. But I think I feel so useless if I don't.

I guess, it's all about one's own personal pursuit of happiness.

I got into a rather fierce argument with my dad over my online courses and stuff, and I was telling him how I'm overwhelmed with keeping up with my school work, extracurriculars, volunteering and helping out people. And then he told me what's the point of helping out everyone else if I don't have time for myself?

But where would we be if we only looked out for ourselves primarily? Maybe I'm too naive. And I know from past experience, people don't give the same courtesy back. But I try not to dwell on it too much. It's their modus operandi.

Other then the growth of a complex, I find myself stumbling into new romantic situations. I don't know what to say about "Paranoia". Right now my head is pounding but I don't think it has to do with her. But it seems like my bad moods seriously correlates to her talking to me more often. Maybe I'm being unfair to her; as I tend to do. Or I'm just justifying her actions again. Ughhh. Headache is throbbing even more.

I think I'm going to get distracted by another female again. Just to ease things on. But I feel like a hypocrite for telling everyone to confront their issues head on, and I'm not. But after so many times of saying the same thing -- I can honestly say I'm done.

But, I'm going to wrap this pity party up, 'cause there's no point to it.
Why waste my time talking about things I can't change.

HAH. Okay. Random Fact. I laugh awkwardly whenever I get like seriously seriously blown away. Like currently. I'm slightly speechless.

"Tell me what you know about dreamin’ dreamin’
You don't really know about nothin’ nothin’
Tell me what you know about them night terrors every night
5 am, cold sweats wakin’ up to the skies
Tell me what you know about dreams, dreams
Tell me what you know about night terrors, nothin’
You don't really care about the trials of tomorrow
Rather lay awake in a bed full of sorrow

I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know
Everything that shines ain't always gonna be gold
I'll be fine once I get it, I'll be good"
- Scott MesCudi