Void .

"Void" seems to be a constantly reoccurring word in my life.
As a adjective it could mean:

* useless; ineffectual; vain.
* devoid; destitute (usually fol. by of): a life void of meaning.

As a noun, the meaning changes slightly:

* an empty space; emptiness: He disappeared into the void.
* something experienced as a loss or privation: His death left a great void in her life.
* a gap or opening, as in a wall.

All of that above seems to be exactly what I have been feeling lately. I feel as if something is constantly wrong with me because I can feel it around my heart. Leave it to me to actually create a medical problem out of my issues, haa.


I've just been noticing things that I don't like about myself and the world in general. I'm a slave to my phone, but even more so then that, I'm a slave to the people who populate my phone, and I hate hate hate that. I feel so dependent on people, and they all end up letting me down, and the void continues to grow.


I keep on questioning why I continue to chase after people when I know how it'll end, but I think it's apart of my genetics. Ehr, as in something I cannot change. Lately, I think my body has been in a silent protest, because I've given up working out, and putting effort into what I wear. I feel myself slipping, but then my ego spazzes out, and suddenly I'm egotistical even though I feel the complete opposite.


I've been constantly looking for something to fill the voids that have been in life. Filling up the position of a brother, a father, a lover, and a best friend. But the more I try to fill up those spots, the wider the void grows until it eventually consumes me and leaves me in a extreme stupor.


I'm hardly a person to just allow things to remain like this, so I'll rectify the situation soon enough.