Which is most likely why I often find myself at some internal crossroad of some sort. Whether to move ahead, and leave my past behind, or chose left or right, where I more often than naught end up going in a huge, drawn out circle.
Like, not to say that life makes itself hard just for me, because I really don't think that way at all. But, currently, I'm faced with a decision that could change a lot of things around me. Sadly, no matter how much my inner child wants to crawl out of me, I know deep down that this is not my time to complain or think about myself.
The sacrifices that I make constantly astound me when I look back at them. I truly wonder whether I do them because I care about her so much, or because I am a glutton for pain. I think it's the former, because the pain that I do endure just for her well-being goes beyond a standard friend. Even though I still think about her constantly, and even if I still think I would be great for her, my brain has already accepted the role of she cast me in -- even if my heart hasn't accepted it yet.
I still think there will be a part of me that will always yearn for her, and that won't ever change until I find someone to replace her completely. Until then, I just roll with it.
I want your love and
I want your revenge
I want your love
I don’t wanna be friends
-- Lady Gaga
they say trust your heart,
ReplyDeletebut what do you do when your heart is just plain stupid?
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wowwwwwww, this is quite a heart broken post. I applaud yu by admitting the issue tho
ReplyDelete